Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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