right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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