I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
