Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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