Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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