I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
