If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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