carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
