I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
