Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
