I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
