That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
