Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
