I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
