Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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