haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
