I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
