I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We are all done wearing pants today
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
