A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
