just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We left an ass print on the piano.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
