Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize