Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
