note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
