And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
