a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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