So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
