Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
