i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
