i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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