oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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