Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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