I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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