Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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