At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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