you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So many bounce houses so little time
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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