Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
