she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
