I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
