She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize