I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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