he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
