So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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