genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
