Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
