We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
