The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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