im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Damn victory sex feels great
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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