There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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