Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
