I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
