Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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