Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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