Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
