He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
