And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
