You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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