he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
