Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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