Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
