At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
