i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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