He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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