Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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