bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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