so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't turn off my feet"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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