No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
