you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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