Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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