States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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