ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
