we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
