I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
