Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
