It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
