I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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