I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
