Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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