C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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