I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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