There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
