You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
